My friend Claire and I have recently started up a writing group. It is called ‘Plots and Plans’, partly because we like plotting and planning, and partly because it sounds a bit like ‘pots and pans’.
Yesterday we had our second group meeting. We played some writing games and the results were quite entertaining. This is my favourite – a collective ‘consequences’ effort by Mike Haines, Duncan Hay, James Major, Claire Symonds and myself.
You were ill in the Commodore Suite. You’d been eating cheese again, the orange kind. Microwaves and mayonnaise and cheese don’t mix! And I’m sorry to tell you that orange just isn’t your colour. I have a feeling we have reached a stalemate – I am a castle and you’ve become a queen. But you pawned our chess board and bought all the cheese, which was stupid, because as I mentioned, it makes you sick. And now I can’t play chess, which is unfortunate, since my life’s ambition has always been to become a Grand Master. You and your cheese thwarted my dreams. Until I discovered my new love for table tennis, a sport of speed, agility and strength. I am now the world table tennis champion. So thanks for thwarting my dreams: you inadvertently helped me to conquer the world. In your face.